October 19, 2012

Freedom from Comparing

Hi Ladies!
Welcome back to No Fear Friday!! If you are a first time visitor to my little stamp size space on the Internet, then WELCOME! I am glad you stopped by for a sit down.

I usually do posts about DIY and stuff but Fridays are now focused on having a freedom filled life, devoid of fears, being transformed by the Power of Christ's love and promises.

Today I want to speak to the fear of inadequacy. How many times a day does that little voice in your head compare yourself to others?  For me,  I would need to stop counting after the first 60 minutes because I can't count that high. It doesn't take much, a nice outfit, a nice front yard, a nice body, a nicer car....as soon as something comes into view, my mind naturally goes there. I lack this or that. Even better would be, "If I had this or that I would feel better about myself." Really? NO. I would just find something or someone else to compare myself to that "has it all together". There is always someone or something that looks better than what we have right now.

This need to compare is rooted in the fear of inadequacy. We just don't add up......enough. Why? Who told you you don't add up? Who told you that? Certainly not God. He made you in His image and has given you all that you need and more if you will stop looking at what you don't have and shift your gaze to what you do and shift your gaze to HIM.

It's like looking off into the distance and seeing two piles. One is huge and the other rather tiny, you can barely make it out. Naturally, you move towards the bigger one because we all know bigger is where it is at! So you keep moving yourself towards that pile, over rough terrain and gullies,  and out of the corner of your eye, the tiny pile catches your eye. Oh, it sparkles a little but it is so small. Not worth looking at or investing my energy in. I'd rather see if I can get that big pile. Two or three steps closer and a funny smell starts blowing from the large pile but still you keep trekking after it because it must be good if it is so big....I just need to find out what is in that pile! You are now ignoring the glint that is getting brighter and brighter from the other spot. You are so busy trekking after the large you don't notice that the path that you have taken has diverged over a canyon and the piles are now on opposite sides of the canyon. Not so far that you can't see what the other side has.You finally make it to the pile..... and it is a pile of garbage. So disappointing. That is what I was seeking after! What a waste of time and energy!

Dejected yet gain, you look at the other pile, might as well see what that sparkle was.  It is a 40 Carat diamond. Are you kidding me? It will take me days to back track down the path to get to that. I just don't have the energy to do that even though it would be so worth it.  If I stay here I might be able to recycle something from this pile of garbage and make it worth my effort.

Why do we stay at the garbage pile??????

Staying at the pile only makes us smell bad. It doesn't enhance us in any way and we are trading riches for rags because we think we have to get to the diamond ourselves and we just can't do it by ourselves.

But how do we get to the diamond without killing ourselves in the process?

God is building a bridge for you to get from the pile to the diamond. You are the diamond that He created to live an INCOMPARABLE life, your miracle alone. Comparing yourself to others is the pile of garbage.  He is the one who will help yo see the value of the diamond (you) and do it in such a miraculous way that you will be transformed from the inside out. YOU will begin to sparkle and it will be blinding!!! Others will not be able to take their eyes off of you because they will see YOU and not what you thought you were supposed to be what rather what God designed you to be.

Here is an exercise to try and get you started. I am a list person. It is the only way I can remember to do everything I need to do on a daily basis. So we are going to make a list of ways we compare ourselves to others. I don't want a long list. Maybe two or three because that would bog us down and discourage us. Plus I feel like small victories lead to bigger ones so let's start small right now and then we can go big as our faith is nourished and we trust the Lord with more of our insecurities. Put it in writing so you can look at it, if you name it that is half the battle, the other half is the Lords.

Here's mine:
1. Bad hair
2. Not being smart enough

For the first one,  yes I know shallow, but I am going bald for real so I think sometimes I am justified in my comparing myself. Ahhhh, here is how it starts. "I have a right to do this." No I don't. It means that I have taken my eyes off of the Lord and how HE views me and instead I have placed my worth in a full head of hair. Pretty pathetic. Hard to overcome given our world. You might be saying this about your weight. I know that is a huge one for us women. Stop looking at the number on the scale. If it moves by 10 or even if it never moves, it is blinding you to a rich life in Jesus. Don't let a number take that from you.

Okay, we all can't be Einstein but some days I wish I was and everybody could see it. This goes way back to childhood, which most of the time is where all of our comparing starts, right? I didn't make it into the gifted program and my two other sisters did. They never made me feel this way but it was a seed that Satan sowed in my heart and it had grown at times to monumental proportions. Also because I tended to be a bit flighty as a youngster, I think people still see me this way and I hate it. What I want people to see is that really I am always thinking and have a million ideas in my head all at once and I don't have enough time in the day to do it all. Yes, so I guess that makes me look flighty. I have spent most of my life trying to prove I am smart. I have recently drawn my line in the sand and said I don't care if people think I am smart or not. God knows I am and He made me this way. Make it work for me God.

Okay so now, we have our list. What over all fear do these point to? Write that down over it.
Mine would be fear of how others see me.

Now create another list. This time I want a list of how YOU ROCK in those same comparisons.

1. I creatively disguise my baldness and my sunny disposition draws attention away from my follicularly challenged head. People notice my smile instead of my bald patch.

2. I am able see something in ways no one else can (or maybe should). And I can build almost anything without instructions.

So now you need to destroy the first list an keep the second because I want you to add to it over time. These are your gifts. Gifts are meant to be shared but you can't share them totally if you have fear holding you back. Trust God to deliver you from those fears you have listed. Please also go to this link for a complete list of verses that address fear.
I will be praying for you and if you leave a comment and return email, I will be able to pray more specifically for you.

I love you sister!! No, this should read I LOVE YOU SISTER!!!!! 

Now enjoy some truth in this video and song...

Always being renewed,

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  1. This is a lovely, thoughtfully written post. It is so very easy to compare ourselves unfavorably to others. To tell ourselves that we should do more, have more, be more. And that can be good, if we are lacking in things that we can, and should, change. But if those things are there, it is simply something we need to work on, not an indictment against us. If it is something we cannot change, why beat ourselves up over it?
    I am so very guilty of this!! I need dental work, badly. No dental insurance, no money. So I avoid going out, or meeting people,or smiling at people I see. How foolish! Do those people really care that I need dental work? No, but they would probably like to see a smile! Is my reluctance to smile pleasing to God? No, because it is rooted in vanity. Thank you for reminding me of that. Today, I am going out, and I am going to smile at everybody I see!

    1. Sandra, I promise to pray for your dental needs to be met, and I ask that you pray for mine to be met, as well.

  2. I love the imagery - the large pile and the small one. And I love the canyon between...what a great illustration!

    As a list maker also, I like your idea of getting rid of the first list and adding to the bad one. I've created things like this - a special folder for complimentary or encouraging emails, a notebook full of hard copy notes or things that make me smile.

    I propose that we prayerfully BURN the first list - offering it to God, and offering ourselves to Him - inviting Him to fill up all those places where we perceive we are lacking something.

    This post is just one more reason to look forward to Fridays, Kim.
    You are beautiful, and you would be beautiful with a completely shaved head.

    Blessings from one folically challenged list-maker to another!


  3. Kim,
    Losing hair is distressing. What comes first? The stress about it, or the hair loss that causes stress?
    Make sure your B12, and iron, are at adequate levels, first of all. If you've been under stress, it takes about 2 months for it to show up in the form of losing more hair than the normal 100 per day. I know that's what happened to me recently, and began to take B12 which I think is helping. And, brush your hair to stimulate the follicles.
    We expect to hear about a good report on regrowth, Kim!


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