It took me a little while to get this post started. I was wrestling with a huge issue that came up this week with my Mother-in-law. Frustration came to a head on Wednesday and I blew up at her. I was right (not sure why I had to write that.....) but the whole time I was thinking about it and talking to my husband about it, I had this voice in the back of my mind saying, "but what does she think? She thinks I am wrong and she thinks I am a bad mom" and worse I kept thinking "what is she going to tell others about me and this fight?"
My husband is a very wise man. He has asked me on many occasions "Why do you care?" I shouldn't care but I do. I want everyone to think I am a great mom and the best wife and a wise parent. I think we all do. Do you? Do you then wonder if this is what others say about you?
The problem with this kind of thinking is it then makes you second guess your decisions because you are worried about what someone else thinks about it. This will eventually lead you to make some very poor decisions because they were based on fear instead of confidence. After I slept on it, I think maybe I needed this crisis to finally say the same thing my husband has been saying for years..... "Why do I care!" I have decided that that kind of fear will not help us to raise the kind of kids I know the Lord wants us to raise. So I am saying, I don't care what others think about my decisions. I will continue to do what the Lord wants and has put in our hearts. (This by no means means that I shouldn't make sure I am not hurting anyone with my attitude or being hurtful in the process).
I also need to give myself a measure of grace to fail at times and not beat myself up so much or care what others think about my rules, etc. The Lord is the one I have based my rules on so it really shouldn't come as a surprise when the world may not agree with them.
These small trials all work me like clay and get the hard parts kneaded out of me. If I let Him work me like clay, I will eventually be fired into gold.
I only have one person to answer to at the end of the day and that is the Lord. He is the one I should be saying the 'What does He think about how I did today?"
Always being renewed,
Please see the link party page to see where I link arms with those blissfully beautiful bloggers that host every week. So gracious they are along with these other sweet ladies!
I enjoyed reading this. Maybe because I'm frequently prone to the same conundrum. It's so hard when well meaning in-laws try to make decisions for you or press them on you, thinking they know what is best for your child.
ReplyDeleteWe do things unconventionally at times. And at times have had to butt heads with in-laws because we are not tackling a situation the way they would.
I'm sure many of us, especially as women, as we tend to be the nurturers, communicators, peacemakers, find ourselves torn at times by a situation like this as we try to keep the bond of communication open to these people we've chosen to bring into our family without compromising our position as parents.
If we spurn their advice, have we closed off a bridge, or better yet, are we beginning to burn one down?
Will they gossip about us and will the rest of the family get the wrong idea about who we are as parents?
What it comes down to for me, is that I'm a mother that loves her children dearly. Any time someone messes with my children I have that lovely mother bear instinct to rip the person apart. So, who is better qualified to make these decisions for my child but me?
I find suppressing your parental instincts and leaving it to other well meaning family members to make the decision for your child would be to betray your child and could lead to apathy.
Of course this isn't to say that you should not do all the research you can and be open to listening to advice. Doesn't the bible say something about there being safety in a multitude of counselors?
However, for many of us God has endowed us with a very deep love for our children and when it comes down to it no one is better equipped than us to make decisions for our children.
I don't usually do this, but there is fight going on that many parents are unaware of, and soon it may be illegal for you to make every day decisions for your child. It would be left up to the government. People that would like to know more should visit Parental Rights dot org.
And people that don't believe it could happen should watch their 30 minute short movie based on true stories of states that have already somewhat adopted these laws and the very real families that it has torn apart. http://www dot overruledmovie dot com . I believe they have another movie called, "The Child."
Preaching to the choir Miss Kim-the, "little foxes" that sneak in and attempt to rob you of your place in the Lord. We tend to hear the critical voices echo in our heads when we are challenged by notions that push us off our path toward walking with the Lord. For me, it's always my family-the ones that have "smoldering tempers" and ones that I never seem to please. In the rare events that I have pleased them, it was for flesh efforts, i.e., how I looked, or what gift I gave-not for my spiritual efforts. In other words, they look at me and see the outward woman, not my inner spirit, as they are incapable of calling Jesus their Lord and Savior, and therefore are warring against me, and this is not to be treated as a physical/mental battle, but taken to a higher throne, and that, of course, is God's Throne Room. For those times that I know that I am walking into enemy territory, I plead the Blood of Jesus over me, and Hedges of Protection, to "close up" their mouths, so that we may dwell in peace. At times, all I can say is "Blood" and that's all it takes to bring Jesus onto the scene, to hold my hand, to keep my tongue, to perhaps say nothing, turn the other cheek, but bigger than that, be who I am in the Lord, and trust Him when I am tried. MILs are those very special women in our lives that try our "Patience of Job." I cannot say why exactly, but it probably has spiritual roots in some type of mentor/spiritual relationship. Which, quite honestly, is hard for indepedent women to adhere to-as we are not brought up to "sit at the feet of our mothers" and listen no matter what!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting!
ReplyDeleteHi Kim,
ReplyDeleteBottom line, YOU are the parent, and she should submit to your decisions to raise your children. On the other hand, it might help the situation to let her know you DO care what she thinks. Unless she is totally unfit as a parent or there is some medical reason that might affect her judgment, hearing her out and letting her know you care would go a long way in keeping your relationship with her healthy. Showing her the respect she is due as your husband's mother would honor God. If the situation is a matter of opinion, changing times, you knowing your child better (of course you do) or something else, maybe you FIRST letting her know you care and you desire a loving relationship with her would help her support your parenting more. Since you feel guilty about blowing up, you could begin with that. Apologize for expressing your anger and assure her you love your children and want the best for them. Hear her out - it could be simply a misunderstanding. In any event, you will have tried to mend an important relationship and will have no regrets. And the Lord loves a humble person! Wishing you all the best, friend.
-Revi
Well, the world would certainly be a better place if we all were much more concerned about what God thinks about our actions than what others think.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, and it's a difficult thing to overcome...worrying what others think and say about us. But I have learned that they don't think about us as much as we think because they are preoccupied with themselves.
Love in Him,
RJ
Forgive yourself for blowing up at her. Then brush it off. If needed ask for her forgiveness. Isn't that what the Atonement is all about? Being the people pleaser I am I know what you are going through. One of the hardest things to stop doing is wondering what others are telling others about me. Or even what they think of me. Most times they have moved on and are giving us no thought. Most likely they are still believing they are right. You are amazing and that is why GOD gave you the children that you have. He knew that you were the right person to raise them. Have a Blessed Sunday!
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